Kakkabe

I'm not much of a travel writer. Not that I'm much of a writer at all. But writing about where I went and what I did reminds of the inevitable post-summer-holiday 'free writing' (as compositions were called in school) that we had to. Title "What I Did During my Summer Holidays". They used to be such a pain and after a couple of years, I had a standard "free-writing" ready to be used for all the coming years, of course, with a few changes here and there, bigger words, slightly fancier sentences.

So I'll just leave you with some pictures of Kakkabe and Jungle Mount Adventure camp. There are some more pictures, from a friend's camera which I haven't got yet. When I do get them and if they're any good, I'll put them up as well.



This is Jungle Mount Adventures Base-Camp 1 in Kakkabe. Very pretty, very very pretty...




Another bit of the camp. Kitchen on one side and a small room on the other.




There's a river that flows through the camp. Kayaking, rowing and swimming. We followed the river down its course for a while. Came across a small waterfall on the way .

We also went rappelling down a 200 feet rock face. Which was a lot of fun and rather dramatic (courtesy a slightly paranoid 'anonymous' friend. Mmmmwwaaah).

FYI

I had an overdose of Arrack and now I'm feeling Tarantismic..

Have I told you about my hyperactive conscience ?

I formally submitted my resignation today .

And I feel like a f***** Judas ....

I see disappointment in people's eyes and I feel like I've betrayed everyone here...

I thought I was supposed to feel happy , without a care in the world...

If only there were toggle buttons for my conscience and I could set it to zero now. Because I know that technically there is NOTHING for me to feel guilty about. Technically. But I still feel guilty.

Stupid conscience.

Running away

Part of the reason why I'm quitting work is

- M makes my life miserable. And I let him manipulate me and was too chicken to stand up to him. I do hold my ground now and then but not firmly enough. I should have put a stop to it a long time back. I did try, but I wasn't firm enough.
Unable to manage the M and easily pushed around.

- I know jack-shit about all this technical stuff and I have a peer who actually picked up a whole new programming language all on his own. I feel like I'm in the wrong place.
I think I learn best from a text book. I actually READ instruction manuals. I learn best when I'm taught things. I don't think I can just pick up stuff like this on my own, just by exploring.
Unable to manage peer-pressure and easily intimidated.

So there. I'm running away from it. Running back to school. Where there are profs to help me or profs whom I can blame and juniors to make me feel good.

There. That's.the.truth. I'm.running.away.

Bizarre

Millions of cars in Bangalore.....

Zillions of trees as well......





Why did it have to be this car and this tree ?
WHY WHY WHY ????

We were planning to drive to Coorg......

PS : Thankfully, no one was hurt.

I talked to my parents again, and tried to reason things out with them. But, Appa wasn't in a mood for reason. The only condition he said was that he would be okay with if there was a larger group.....

So, the rest of the day was frantic, trying to convince friends from Madras to join us for the trip. By evening however, it was confirmed that neither of them would be able to come. So, that was that and I had pretty much given up on convincing my parents.

One last call to my parents. I told my dad that 'L & R can't come, does this mean you still wouldn't like me to go ?' To my pleasant surprise, Appa finally relented. His logic being that - if I didn't go, I'd be miserable, and if I DID go in rebellion, I'd still be miserable. Either way, he'd be on the receiving end !!

And I felt all warm and fuzzy inside and of course, undying love for parents mmmwaah mmmwwwaaah mmmmwaaaahs.

Yipppeeeeeee!!! And the only thing on my mind is Pork Pork Pork. Pork vindalloo, Pork roast, Pork fry , Pork sorpatel... yum yum
And yes, kayaking and swimming and all that... :)

confused

A couple of us have planned a trip to Coorg over the weekend. A homestay was booked, every one was confirmed, travel plans discussed.....

I was yet to tell my parents about the trip. I think at the back of my mind, I knew my parents would disapprove and so I kept postponing it until the last minute, which was about half an hour back.

As was expected, they were none too happy about it and put their foot down citing reasons such as - if people get to know, it doesn't look good
- 2 boys , 2 girls. Unmarried. Overnight stay. Tch tch.
Now I'm sure for most of you, this might sound totally unreasonable and reeking of Mallu-Christian narrow mindedness and conservatism. But having lived in Kottayam for most of my life and knowing the kind of gossip and the way people interpret things, I CAN understand my parent's concern. So though I find it unreasonable, I do understand why they are worried.

Ever since I've come to Bangalore, I have not travelled anywhere around, despite there being some interesting places to visit in and around. And this could be such a fun trip. The homestay that we organised has a little river running through, kayaking, a night trek and even a safari. So its just plain innocent fun.

That's what I told them. But the moment they heard the 2boys2girls bit of it, they veto-ed it. There were no questions asked about how we were going, where we were staying, when we were going. Nothing. Just one big veto. That's what upset me. That there was minimal interest in my safety and more interest in my reputation.

My parents, and I , we've both been through a lot because of gossipmongers. Some of the gossip was just that. Uninhibited bullshit. Anonymous letters sent home stating that 'she is drinking even during the day'... Some of it was true. From the days when I had a boyfriend and did 'scandalous things'. So I know that it matters what people say and talk. I know that it hurts my parents and upsets them and indirectly affects the rest of the family as well. All of this I am well aware of, and I , for my part, try and not give people reason to talk.

So when I spoke to my mother, I was calm, reasonable and sensible and tried to explain it to them. I finally told my mother "what if I still went?". To which she said she couldn't stop me. I said, "Okay, I'll be leaving on Saturday morning, getting back Sunday night"

End of call..

I'm going to explain it to them one more time, like a sensible adult. And then if they're still adamant about me not going, I need to decide whether I'm still going to go ahead with the trip. I feel that if I go, it'll be like a coming to my own, like I've crossed over some threshold. As if I'm going to be alone from then on, on my own.
Which is all very scary, the chicken and papa's baby that I am.

For now, I'm going to sleep over it and tomorrow , after I talk to my parents, I'm just going to trust my instincts.

Sigh

Time for a smoke...

Frankly, I don't give a damn ... because...

I don't care if the m is nasty and moody and permananently on PMS , I don't care that people don't have basic courtesies, I don't care if people are selfish and manipulative and yet claim to have only MY best interests in mind..

......I DO NOT CARE ....

....... BECAUSE .......

I have THE most awesome pair of jeans that make me want to squeeeeeeeze my ass EVERY SINGLE time I see myself in the mirror.

decisions

Last year, this time, my parents had seen me off at the airport and I was on my way to Bangalore. My first job....

And today, this time, I'm thinking of quitting and moving on.

When I joined, it was more that I was trying out what it was like to work, just for the experience. Ultimately, I would get back to studies and start on my PhD. But even then and especially somewhere in-between the last one year, I started to doubt whether I was really up to a PhD. I wondered if I was doing it because that was the next thing to do (which is often the reason why I do most things) and whether I would be able to survive it. At the same time, life in the corporate world was not exactly rosy. Trouble with the m. Loss of interest. All this only hastened my decision to get back to studies.
I liked studying, I'd love to study in a foreign university, I know that I'll learn a lot, and not just Economics.

But at the same time, there's the nagging thought in the back of my head. That I'm throwing away an extremely-well-paying-challenging-high-growth-potential-very-niche-area-exclusive job. All that money , the independence. Gone , gone , gone...
This laptop. This flat. Evening smoke. Long phone calls. Not looking at the right-hand side of the menu before ordering..All gone....

Its a pretty scary thought.

But then again, I tell myself life's not going to be miserable. Different, but not miserable...

I don't know if I'm making the right decision. I'll know that only much later. It IS a plunge into the dark, but I think I need to do that atleast once in my life...

I should have listened to the voice inside my head and rented Syriana or Manchurian Candidate or Shaolin Soccer or Lethal Weapon or something, something, anything other than Love Actually. I was weepy from scene 1. Goodbyes are instant tear-inducers for me, followed closely by meeting / seeing people meeting their loved ones after a long time.... And the first scene was a scene at Heathrow Airport, people meeting their loved ones. Sigh.

I kept getting all teary-eyed during the movie and at times getting irritated with all the lovelovelove shite.... But mostly teary eyed....

Next time, Shaolin Soccer...

Saturday Sights

I went up to my landlord's flat to pay my electricity bill. His wife was not in town, so I'd been dealing with his mother. A plump, dominating lady, with hair on her upper lip and money on her mind, all the time...
So there I was, outside the flat, Saturday morning. I rang the bell , the maid opened the door and I asked if Aunty was in. She mouthed something to me, I don't know what she was trying to say, and I found it quite unusual but ignored it.

I heard Aunty shouting something from inside. So I popped my head in to tell her I had come to pay the bill. AND WHAT DO I SEE..... NAKED ... NUDE.... FAT AUNTY... LYING ON THE FLOOR...Horror of Horrors !!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I was completely flustered and quickly popped my head out... The maid had a wicked grin on her face and I couldn't help but grin back. I quickly handed over the money to her and rushed down to my flat, closed the door behind me and screamed my heart out and then had a good hearty laugh...

A tag saved my blog !!!!!!!!!!!

1. PICK OUT A SCAR YOU HAVE, AND EXPLAIN HOW YOU GOT IT.

On my left elbow. Bike accident. Got a ride from Pondi to Chennai,and we were stopping for breakfast. Was turning (very slowly, very gently) into the restaurant parking lot when the bike skidded on the sand. Ugly ugly scar. Now I can feel my legs go weak everytime I sit behind someone on a bike and we take a turn...

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?

A face of Jesus, sculpted in stone and laid on a wooden background. From Argentina, courtesy my brother. Album cover of Bob Dylan's World Gone Wrong , framed, courtesy JT from College.
And a small square framed painting - a greeting card, with Inca-like pictures.

3. WHAT DOES YOUR PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Very ordinary Nokia. I wanted something absolutely non-fancy. I don't know the model number and in a conference call now, so I can't open it up and check. Took a guess and googled Nokia 6030 and yes, that's my phone.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
lots of this and that. Lot of my father's music - beatles, led zep, doors, dylan, simon&garfunkel. Then there's U2, The White Stripes And I like a lot of pop songs as well, and I'M NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT - I like black-eyed peas, I like some bhalle bhalle when I'm drunk, I like eminem and Notorious BIG (this being my current favourite)

5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
It's my office laptop so I have my office logo on it.
Boring , I know....

6. WHAT DO I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Someone to make the right decision for me...
A foot massage would be good.
And world peace....

7. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GAY MARRIAGE?
What's there to believe? It's there , it's there.

8. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
Afternoon, 12:30 or so, I think.

9. ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL TOGETHER?
It's going to be a whopping 27 years and they're still yapping away to each other. I really wonder sometimes, what there is to talk about....

10. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
To someone, 8000 miles away , talking about something I don't want to know about. That was five mins back. Now, Twist in my Sobriety by Tanita Tikaram

11. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?
No, thankfully. I have woken up from bad dreams and then felt scared of the dark, but that doesn't happen too often.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
My manager

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE/PERFUME?
I recently tried on some Chanel perfume, don't remember which one. Loved it.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR / EYE COLOUR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Black, of course.

15. DO YOU LIKE PAIN KILLERS?
I try to avoid them as much. But do take them once in while , when I'm in the wrong time of the month and can't stand up straight and need to get to office. But never more than one and I try not to have it every month.

16. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Oh yes !! Very very ! would never do it. The moment I'm attracted to someone , I find myself consciously avoiding them or backing off.

17. FAVE PIZZA TOPPING?
Pepperoni, obviously ! I totally agree with you , Fireflies !

19. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
My manager, but then he IS mad. I didn't make him mad.
Hmmm, I don't know. Anon 1 / anon 2 , have I made any of you mad recently ?
I think it was Appa. I'm not sure if he was really pissed off. I was too mad myself to notice.

20. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
No, not that I know of.

ANYWAY

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some genuine enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you;
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world your best anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Mother Teresa

My life and an insight into my highly advanced decision-making skills

Tenth Standard:
I don't think I like Biology, well, not enough to be able to dissect dead animals.
I don't like History, I can't mug up all the dates.
So what does that leave me with then ? Eco Commerce Accounts. Okie dokie.

Twelfth Standard:
I don't like Commerce. Too much theory and definitions. I like Accounts, so CA ? Nah, too much effort. And I don't want to narrow down to a particular field just yet. Eco? Yeah, well it doesn't cut down too many options and like I said, I don't want to narrow down my options just yet. Okay, so BA Eco it shall be.

2nd Year Eco
NO MORE ECO , never again.

3rd Year Eco
Well maybe a Masters, since I can't think of anything else.

2 years and a Masters in Economics later.
Should I study more ? Should I work ? Maybe I should work , just to get some exposure to the environment, just so that I know what it's like. Yeah okay, maybe I'll work. In any case, it won't narrow down any options.

1 year later
Hmmm, maybe I should get back to studies. Just for the exposure. I do like to study. I might just enjoy it. But study what ? Eco, of course. But what in Eco ? I don't want to narrow down on a field, not just yet.

How can I decide what I want to do unless I know what its LIKE to do that something ? Which means I should give everything a shot, or else, I would be making an ill-informed decision right ?