confused

A couple of us have planned a trip to Coorg over the weekend. A homestay was booked, every one was confirmed, travel plans discussed.....

I was yet to tell my parents about the trip. I think at the back of my mind, I knew my parents would disapprove and so I kept postponing it until the last minute, which was about half an hour back.

As was expected, they were none too happy about it and put their foot down citing reasons such as - if people get to know, it doesn't look good
- 2 boys , 2 girls. Unmarried. Overnight stay. Tch tch.
Now I'm sure for most of you, this might sound totally unreasonable and reeking of Mallu-Christian narrow mindedness and conservatism. But having lived in Kottayam for most of my life and knowing the kind of gossip and the way people interpret things, I CAN understand my parent's concern. So though I find it unreasonable, I do understand why they are worried.

Ever since I've come to Bangalore, I have not travelled anywhere around, despite there being some interesting places to visit in and around. And this could be such a fun trip. The homestay that we organised has a little river running through, kayaking, a night trek and even a safari. So its just plain innocent fun.

That's what I told them. But the moment they heard the 2boys2girls bit of it, they veto-ed it. There were no questions asked about how we were going, where we were staying, when we were going. Nothing. Just one big veto. That's what upset me. That there was minimal interest in my safety and more interest in my reputation.

My parents, and I , we've both been through a lot because of gossipmongers. Some of the gossip was just that. Uninhibited bullshit. Anonymous letters sent home stating that 'she is drinking even during the day'... Some of it was true. From the days when I had a boyfriend and did 'scandalous things'. So I know that it matters what people say and talk. I know that it hurts my parents and upsets them and indirectly affects the rest of the family as well. All of this I am well aware of, and I , for my part, try and not give people reason to talk.

So when I spoke to my mother, I was calm, reasonable and sensible and tried to explain it to them. I finally told my mother "what if I still went?". To which she said she couldn't stop me. I said, "Okay, I'll be leaving on Saturday morning, getting back Sunday night"

End of call..

I'm going to explain it to them one more time, like a sensible adult. And then if they're still adamant about me not going, I need to decide whether I'm still going to go ahead with the trip. I feel that if I go, it'll be like a coming to my own, like I've crossed over some threshold. As if I'm going to be alone from then on, on my own.
Which is all very scary, the chicken and papa's baby that I am.

For now, I'm going to sleep over it and tomorrow , after I talk to my parents, I'm just going to trust my instincts.

Sigh

Time for a smoke...