money matters

Application for Summer School in lovely Lima – Accepted

Application for funding to go all the way to lovely Lima for Summer School – Unsuccessful

What to do what to do… ? Oh to win that 1000 pound lucky draw…. sigh..

I cry easily. When I feel misunderstood or I finding something unfair or because I feel so helpless. Sometimes its because I feel overwhelmed or touched by someone or something. I don't understand why I have to hide my tears. Why, when I watch a movie with someone, I have to bite my teeth and use all my strength to hold the tears back, lest I embarass myself.

I watched Talk to Her a couple of days back. Its an exquisite movie. I cried while I listened to this song. I felt like the song just moved all over my body and wrapped itself around me.



Softly the night wind singing
Tells me it's bringing my love to me
With every breath it's sending
Love never ending across the sea
My heart and I are trying
To keep from crying
But we are lonely
Fly little bird go winging
And please lead him home safely to me

Cucurrucucu Paloma
Cucurrucucu Paloma
Bring him back to me forever
Let us always be together

What good is my tomorrow
When filled with sorrow just like today
I need him here to hold me
Here to enfold me, always to stay
So little bird please find him
And then remind him I am so lonely
Fly little bird, go winging
And please lead him home safely to me

Cucurrucucu Paloma
Cucurrucucu Paloma
Bring him back to me forever
Let us always be together

Cucurrucucu
Cucurrucucu
Cucurrucucu
Let us always be together

I'd like to believe that I have Spanish blood in me. My name has a Spanish origin, so that's a start. I'd love to learn Spanish. I know I'll like it. I imagine myself , writing a book about myself and my love for Spanish, beginning like this.
'Sometimes I feel guilty about my love for the language. The kind of guilt that one feels when you love another woman more than you love your own mother. I feel like I'm trying to run away from my roots..."

Or something like that.... :)

I have an unhealthy reading habit. When I start on a book, I'm hooked on to it. Especially in the morning. I don't particularly like mornings, which is why I make sure I drown myself in a book the whole morning !

When I wake up, I tell myself I'll read one chapter and then get out of bed. So I read a chapter. Then I read as I walk into the bathroom, while I put paste on my brush. I read while I brush my teeth. I read while I'm waiting for the milk to boil. And then I put it down for a brief 10 seconds as I get my coffee together. I read while I wait for the bread to toast. And then I set my book aside while I take my coffee and toast to the living room and read the paper. A quick glance through the headlines, the international news and of course, the cartoon strips.

My coffee's still not over. So I'm back with my book. Read read read, sip sip sip. I'm not a morning person, but those are definitely one of the best times in the day for me. Just me, my book and my coffee.

And then its time for a bath. Nope, I do not put my book away. After years of practice, I now have an extremely efficient and intricate system whereby I can read AND have a bath. It requires careful balance and extreme multi-tasking skills.

After that, I have to get ready, and except for the 5-10 seconds when I have to pull the t-shirt/top/salwar over my head, I have my eyes glued to my book all the while.

I read for a while more. 'One more chapter, I tell myself.' And I'm one chapter down. And then I think, 'Okay, I'll read half of the next chapter'. 10 minutes later. 'Might as well finish this chapter'... 'Hmmm, just one more, last last chapter.'
And sometimes, the only reason I don't finish the book is because I want to save some for the next morning.

And God forbid I take the book with me to work !

For it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder

Some people just leave me with a bad taste in my mouth.

To them, I'd like to say, I pity you. I pity you for what you have become. I pity you for all the bitterness you carry with you. I pity you for the arrogance you need to deal with the bitterness.
For your sake, I hope there is no such thing as karma. For your sake, I hope what goes around doesn't come around.
Because if it does, then you're in for quite a beating.

Ass Like That

Southways has been doing some recycling from her old blog, and I thought it was a good idea. This is something I wrote a long time ago, 2 years back, in my very first blog.

I check out people's asses.. ya ya i know, almost every one does that.. But i can actually arrive at a fairly good approximation of a person's character just by looking at their ass. In fact I have this whole theory that I 'm trying to test. Is it a person's ass that determines his/her character or is it that their ass is shaped by their character?? I know its a little hard to digest but trust me, there really is some correlation .. i don't know which direction the relation runs that's what i'm trying to find out.. AND PLEASE NOTE THAT I VIEW THESE ASSES CLOTHES, not naked... just so that you don't think i'm some kind of twisted pervert..

let me elaborate.. have you noticed men with these flabby , yet barely there, sort of asses.. their ass is small but noticeable.. well they're usually the creepy kind.. or not very reliable.. but if a man has no ass, completely flat, then there's two possible conclusions. They're either a lot of fun to be with, intelligent, happy go lucky or they're the really irresponsible sort.. It'll be either of these two extremes. And if the guy has this really neat little ass that sort of makes it seem like the trousers were tailored for him , its definitely a good sign.. Usually the quiet , well organised sort..

There are lots more in between cases. I still haven't perfected it but I have a lot of faith in it...

Songs & Memories

Since I've been so out of things to write about, I made up a tag of my own. A tag to list songs and memories I attach with them.

'All I want is a room somewhere' from My Fair Lady takes me back almost twenty years. Junior school singing competition. I can still feel the butterflies in my stomach and the eyes of our Physical Ed sir, who incidentally was one of the judges, drilling a hole into me.

'Jesus Loves me This I Know For the Bible Tells me So' reminds me of Monday morning assembly. How we consistently ruined the song, dragging it out and singing it oh-so flat...

Scatman's World & Sleeping Child reminds me of school and our excursion to Delhi. Yellow scarves, piles of sweaters and an extremely noisy bus. And there was all the tension of who's sitting with who, which gang is cooler, which boy is hitting on which girl...

James Taylor reminds me of my father. We've never needed a music system in the car.

Nirvana & Led Zeppelin reminds me of College and my forays into the world of nicotine and more.

Beatles makes me nostalgic about college and our graduation dinner. We were all huddled together in a cab and headed to some pub, very drunk and very happy and singing 'nothing's gonna change my world' like we really meant it.

Have you ever watched a person's face as they stare at fireworks in the sky?

Its like looking at hope.

Okay. I'm done here.

Thank you, everyone!

I also judge

I'm an extremely judgemental person. Its pretty much an unconscious act for me, so these were just a few of things I judge that I'm AWARE of.. I'm pretty sure there are plenty more which I don't even realise..

I judge :

People who litter.

People who come to India/Kerala and act all amused/surprised because "Oh you can speak English so well"

People who misuse their mobile phones - includes speaking while driving , texting while someone is talking to you, not switching it off/setting it to silent while in church/theatre/during a talk EVEN after its rung once and you KNOW its not switched off/on silent.

People who I meet for the first time asking me my 'caste'. I don't know and how does it matter ? And if its someone who knows me who asks, then its more often than not , out of curiosity.

And I also judge myself for judging people who don't think the way I do...

I'm on the other side now.

Besides all the re-studying (and this time more thoroughly) and the daunting prospect of facing a class of 50+ students , being a teacher can be quite a toughie..
For one, you can no longer bitch about some students to other students. Which is something that comes naturally to me.
Two, you can't bitch about teachers to the students .. Obviously not.
And three, I don't think you can bitch about students to teachers. Okay, so I can discuss performance and wonder why student X has done so badly. But that'll have to stop at that. I can't discuss my various conjectures like girlfriend issues and questions like what-does-he-see-in-her-anyway-?

All that requires a lot of self restraint and discipline. They really should pay me more..

I judge

I judge people who don't think I'm perfect...


...EVIL EVIL LAUGH ENSUES....

I'm-Proud-Of tag

Broom, I owe you an apology. This took way too much time and I couldn't even think of 8 things I'm proud . But the 5 that I did think of, I'm super proud of. I think I'll come back to this late if I ever do think of more things. I know there are more things I should be proud of....

Here goes.

Appa , for everything that he is. He's incredibly intelligent, very very straightforward and very very funny.

Amma , for her strength, for being able to keep her cool at all times, her energy and enthusiasm, her genuine-ness and her amazing cooking skills.

My brother. Just writing this, gets me all choked up and teary-eyed and happy. AA is every sister's dream come true..

My dad's sister O - She lost her husband very early in her marriage, was a single mom and had to stay with very nasty parents-in-law and even nastier sister-in-law. She ran a huge crumbling tharavad all on her own, managed the family property , dealt with scum-of-the-earth dealers and real estate agents and made sure that NO ONE messed with her. She's an incredibly strong woman, extremely straightforward , proud and yet humble. AND she's funny, loves to tell stories and has the most whole-hearted laugh I've ever heard .

My grandmother, my mother's mother - If I could be half, even one-tenth the woman that she was , I'd be happy. After she passed away, my mom used to have complete strangers come up to her and speak so fondly about Ammachi and how she helped them out.



AND I'm tagging myself with Broom's latest tag .... :)

This was home

Some of you must be squirming seeing that unholy mess. I can assure you that there is nothing that moves in there. I grew quite fond of that messy room. This photo was taken at the end of what was a very busy week at work, so right after this, I would have gotten down to cleaning up the place..

For a year, this was home. I'll always remember this place fondly. I think I grew up quite a bit the one year I was here. Packing up was quite a task. Amma came over to help out, though it did put me in quite a spot number of times.

She found a matchbox in my old handbag.. 'What's this for? Cigarettes?'

A neat round burn mark left by cigarette, on counterpane, bed sheet and all the way through to the mattress. No questions asked on this one..

And when I was emptying the drawers, I find this small stash of weed, in a little plastic cover with some rolling paper. Leftovers from a long time back. Thankfully, Amma wasn't around. I couldn't bear to throw it away , so I stuffed it into a little perfume box and packed it away. And for the first time ever and probably the last, my parents, me and weed are all in the same room in Kottayam... Not for too long though !

holiday

Tomorrow I return my laptop. And on Saturday , my broadband will be disconnected.
And then to Kottayam where the net connection is terribly slow..

So I'm not going to be blogging or bloghopping for a while.

Just the thought, and my hands are trembling and my legs feel weak.

Take care everyone !

Tavern - Wednesday night

If any of you ladies are in Bangalore on a Wednesday, then please do go to in Museum Inn (before 9:00 PM).
It's Ladies' Night which means you can drink 3 taps of beer FOR FREE !
Imagine... Its not even a buy-one-get-one-free.. Its 3 free taps of beer. As simple as that.
So basically, you can walk in on a Wednesday evening, have 3 taps of beer and then walk out.. No bill, no nothing. Well, maybe a tip, but that's it !
I couldn't believe it and I actually confirmed it thrice with the waiter...

The restroom in Tavern is a tiny tiny little place. There's a little common area with a washbasin. And the loo is usually occupied so most of the time, you end up cramped in that tiny space with another woman who's also waiting. And the beer high, being away from the loud music and the sudden quiet...something...something makes these group of women not feel like strangers to each other. There's some kind of connection and somehow someone initiates a conversation. Once I was waiting with 2 other girls and I remember coming back to my seat and telling my friends that if we'd had to wait any longer , cramped together in that tiny space, then some really interesting stuff would have happened ! :)
Last night, there was another woman who was waiting, a slightly older, probably married woman. And somehow, we got onto talking about the Ladies Night and then she said 'Men are losers, the things they do to have us around, ha ha ha '!
And me, the drunk fool, readily agreed and we both bitched some more about men.
Later the lady inside joined us as well. It was all a lot of fun ! It was fun, doing all that male bashing though I didn't mean any of what I said ! Atleast not most of it!

Anyway, if not for the Ladies Night , then pay a visit to Tavern for the Ladies Room !

Post 101

THAT , down there, was my 100th post...

Thank you , thank you, thank you and you and you !

I wish now was last night...

Things in my butt and Zimbabwean economy ???

I was reading an article about a dentist in Zimbabwe where it mentioned that the country has an inflation rate more than 3700 % .

I got pretty curious when I read that so I googled Zimbabwe + economy and was directed to a Wikipedia page.

And I was scrolling through the Wiki page when I came across one line under the section on Rhodesia era .... 'small dick in your butt'

Eh ?


EDIT : So I checked the page later , after about half an hour. And it was gone.. The "dick in your butt". The line, I mean.. I guess I was just at the right place at the right time...

Work icks

Suppose you were explaining something to someone at work. Preparing some figures, graphs, trying to show a trend, explain it. And pointing out some numbers/graphs on the screen. And then that someone says, " You have such long fingers" ...

Does that ick you out ? Me, it totally did. And pissed me off as well.
And I'm wondering if I'm just being paranoid.

Sunday Pork curry

This is what I made on Sunday afternoon. Its a tad too spicy, but tastes good, all the same, if I may say so myself.

I found the recipe here