My Weepy Friday

I had a severe and almost amusing (when I look back at it now) attack of PMS this Friday . Despite the fact that I was headed home , I think I shed enough tears to filla few buckets. The first session was in the plane. The plane started to move towards the runway and it sounded like an old Ambassador warming up... grrrr...grrrr...grrrr. I should have expected that from an Indian Airlines flight. Ten minutes later, we were told that there were some engine trouble and consequently we were stuck in the aircraft for more than an hour. Thankfully, I had my book with me and I was totally engrossed in it all the while.

Before I knew it, I was weeping. The book is brilliant and I felt like I was living in that world and knew each of the characters. And then Esteban , in a fit of fury, slaps Clara across the face. I felt so sad and hurt for both Clara and Esteban that I couldn't stop crying. Tears just kept streaming down, the floodgates had been opened. Despite the teary eyes and the blurry vision, I read these few pages over and over again and cried just as much everytime I came to that passage.
And then I cried some more later on, when the flight had taken off because one of the characters died. I wept and I wept and I wept (there was no one sitting beside me, thankfully) .

And as we were about to land, I looked out and saw the aircraft wings , looking pretty antiquated, and I noticed how it seemed like it was falling apart , with the paint coming off , I was sure we were going to crash land, what with all the weird noises and sudden jerks. Strangely enough , I didn't weep at the thought, and instead said a little prayer and thought of who'd be the last people I'd think about just before ..........
Morbid me...

Later in the evening, I was watching American Idol. And every time Ryan Seacrest told one of the contestants 'So-and-so, America voted you out..' I could feel my heart well up. I felt a lump in my throat and felt so incredibly sad and my heart went out to the contestant. Then they would sing that last swan song just before leaving and Paula would have her usual sentimental statements to add and they'd show the family members, looking disheartened and saddened. I had to fight to keep the tears away. I had to hold them back, but I just couldn't , the floodgates had reopened and I was weeping all over again..

Amma thinks that if American Idol is making me cry, then its not just PMS, its definitely something more serious and that I should see a doctor......

Nostalgia

As a result of an extremely heated and unpleasant conversation with moodymeaniemanager I was given a compensatory off last Friday. It was forced down my throat is more like it, because he made it seem like a favour he was doing out of the kindness of his heart, and I didn't want that. NO NO NO...

Okay, no more posting about work, am a little scared they'll find me out and fire me.. Yeah well, fire me you bloodsucking, inhuman , cockroach-eating ass**** !!!

I could use the Backspace button right now, but I like to live life on the edge !!!

Anyway, I grabbed the long weekend and headed straight home to good old unchanged Kottayam. Its SO SO good to be home. I feel so calm and rested and self-assured. I love going to see my grandmom, holding her soft hands, listening to her, listening to my parents and uncles talk. I don't do much talking when I'm home. I love listening. I wait for my uncle and my father to start talking about their childhood and the crazy stuff they used to do . Most of the stories , I would have heard atleast once before . But despite that, they never fail to amuse me.
Stories of their grandmom who believed that a shot of brandy was the cure for everything leading to several cases of feigned illnesses, a drunk 10 year old (my aunt) , staggering down the road, hurling abuses at passers-by ; stories of my father who very noble-mindedly decided to paint the furniture when he came across some paint in the shed and who ended up having more paint all over him and how my aunts desperately tried to wash it off by bathing him in kerosene ! ;

I wish Kottayam would never change. I know that this a rather selfish thought. I just love going back home and finding things just the way it was when I left. Pretty much. Well, there is the pleasant shock of discovery a Music World in Kanjikuzhy, a traffic light (one that actually works) .. but on the whole, things are the same, the bakeries, Hollywood (the best beauty parlour ever) , G-Mart , Anns Bakery, Dessert Mist....
And there's my granddad's place. The paddy fields, I feel so happy everytime I go there. I recall all the summers spent in the river, all the fishes caught , all the fights fought, bloody knees, the ravenous eating on coming back home after spending the whole day down at the thodu (river), playing SAT (aka hide and seek), rosaries said half asleep, late night dares , midnight parties....


Oh for a rewind option !!

Woohoo !

Yaaaaaaaaaaay !

I am a University gold medalist !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Wooohoooo !!

On the outside, I'm casual, indifferent and slightly amused... and inside, I'm thrilled, doing a little jig, wide wide stupid grin happy happy joy joy !!!!

Ozomatli

Boring DearDiary entry ahead. Be warned ....

Nothing like attending a concert on a Monday evening to drive the Monday blues away !

Ozomatli is an American band and their music combines the sounds of Latin American salsa , hip-hop, jazz and in yesterday's concert, a tinge of the sitar and the tabla. The concert was a lot of fun, very energetic , with some very dance-able numbers. And we were all right up in front, dancing and clapping away. I was also pleasantly surprised that despite the free entry and all the crowd, we never had a problem of men huddling up too close or making lewd remarks, as is often the case for most other concerts.

Anyway, the week seems definitely shorter now ! Oh, for more concerts on Mondays !!

My Calender

I have this little theory about the months of the year that I've formed over time.....

January is a fairly good time. Its new and fresh and there's a kind of pleasant chaos everywhere, with people settling into the new year. Usually , there's some kind of change happening in my life - maybe getting back to work , getting back to college- and I'm usually pretty busy with settling down that the month seems to go by pretty fast.

February brings with it the reminder that I'm ONE whole month into the new year and that I still write the previous year when I'm writing the date. Its a month that makes me feel like I need to get some direction in my life, I need to decide what I need to do over the year. Its a month that sometimes makes me feel weary and tired and sometimes lonely, thinking of the long long year ahead...

By March, I've accepted the fact that I'm well into the year and yet not even half-way to completing it. March is the month for taking it easy , things settle down, I still don't have a plan , but I don't think about it anymore, and I don't let that bother me.

April and May seem like gentle months. But usually things do take a toss around this time. There's usually some upheaval , be it at home or college or friends. I'm busy around this time, busy with trying to sort things out, busy with work.

June is Aa's birthday, on midsummer's eve. I think most people like June, I don't dislike it, I don't like-it-like-it either. There's something free spirited and casual about June. The monsoons arrive. Things seem to calm down, atleast for the time being. And slowly, July has taken over and things don't seem much different. I've learned that this is just the calm before the storm and this is really the time for me to get all my strength together ....

because August and September have definitely been the most tumultous months for me, at least as far as my 'love life' goes. All the love I've lost, all the love I've gained, its all begun and / or ended in one of these months. These are heady months - the highs and the lows, the excitement and the dejection, talking the night away or crying myself to sleep ...

By October , things do settle down, relatively, be it for the better or worse. Things seem a little less tinted, mistakes are understood, the headiness dies down as reality gradual sinks in, a gradual acceptance of what's happened and things slow down a bit.

November, I am at peace. I love November , for its simplicity , for its elegance and quiet dignity. It doesn't bring with it the fanfare and the noise that December or January does. It just comes in so silently, unassumingly. November tells me that life is good and I'm happy and I feel blessed. November is the time for family and friends and all things good.

Finally, December. I love December too. I love Christmas and all the holidays and all the time at home, with cousins and uncles and aunts and all the good food AND my birthday !!! I love it despite the crass commercialisation of Christmas and the scary Santa Clauses. I love it for the sense of contenment it gives, the sense that despite and because of everything , I'm on my way to a new year and I know that at any point over that year, I can always tell myself ' this too shall pass' ....

A Saree Story

Today, on my way to work, I saw a man standing on the pavement, burning a worn-out cotton saree. He was standing there, making sure that the bunched-up saree caught fire. There was a piece of paper underneath, to which he had set fire, to help the saree burn. Somehow, the sight really scared me. I felt a queasy in my stomach wondering what the story was behind that saree. Who did it belong to ? And what had driven the man to burn the saree? Was he trying to hide something ? Destroying evidence? I just can't get that picture out of mind, and I just can't stop my mind wandering , imagining the story of that saree.

people are strange...

The last week I learned that

some people think I'm snooty
some people think I'm too self-aware
some people think I'm too moody

......


But I think I'm just right for Amul Chocolate.

WTF

Have you ever met someone who's supremely self-confident, someone who knows what they're doing with their life, someone who's willing to take a few risks and confidently say that it will work out and even if it doesn't, they've always got Plan B ? Someone who finds time to travel and party in the middle of all the work and meetings? Someone who shakes you up and makes you think ---

WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE ??????

For everything else, there's .......

Waking up at 6 AM after working till 3 AM - painful

Autorickshaw to the station - Rs. 24

Hugging Amma at the station - priceless

Kappa and red fish curry for breakfast - TRULY priceless